Whilst confidence is contextual, there are some universal principles of feeling more confident for the majority
Whilst confidence is contextual, there are some universal principles of feeling more confident for the majority; we are not talking about misplaced confidence, or even arrogance.
Feeling confidence and therefore looking authentically confident to others, is the key to success in our lives. As such I felt it worthwhile to share these principles with my readers and network.
A good healthy measure of confidence helps us to deal with what happens in our lives, as well as with our goals and ambitions. You know what this feels like for you. We are all unique and as confidence is a nominalisation, what feels like confidence to one individual will be different to the next person, if explored more deeply than the immediate responses such as ‘ I would feel happier if I was more confident’ or ‘I would speak up for myself if I felt more confident’.
A lot of the research tells us that talent accounts for about 20% of our success, with the other 80% determined by our confidence.
The universal principles for confidence centre on managing our emotions and how we address ourselves. In reality, the latter determines the former: what we tell ourselves determines how we feel. For example, if we tell ourselves that we feel fed up or fearful then that is how we are going to feel. These feelings are likely to stop us from doing what we really want to. Whereas, if we tell ourselves that we are going to feel calm and focus on what we are grateful in our life, then that is how we are going to feel. This feeling is more likely to result in us achieving what we want to. The adages ‘what we focus on is what we get’ and ‘whether we think we can or think we can’t we are probably right’ come to mind.
You will notice both scenarios in your physiology and environment and in the actions you take. When the emotion is negative you will feel an unwanted physical response in your body, such as a raised heart rate and stomach churning. When the emotion is positive, the feelings are good. When the emotion is negative, you have a negative impact on your environment and the people around you, for example, by withdrawing or complaining. When the emotion is positive others feel it in your manner, body language, tone and words.
What is helpful is focusing on enjoying 'the here and now', the moment, rather than what has happened in the past or what you fear may happen in the future. And of course, that feared future may never happen, so you are wasting your time. Focusing on the good and being calm in the moment will mean that you feel in control and comfortable, functioning well in body and mind.
When I was growing up my mother shared the serenity prayer with me which I have found to be a helpful confidence boost. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
One area where clients have needed confidence often is for interviews or some other self-presentation work. I have interviewed and advised a lot of people on how to stand out from the crowd, starting with the kind of state management that I have begun to describe in this article.
Mindset and using our innate resources are one way of standing out so that you appear confident to your interviewers not arrogant. The examples that you choose and the way that you structure your answers will also help; knowing your story, your brand and doing your research well, are also key factors. We always have a mock interview or two beforehand so that you are properly planned to perform at your best.
I rarely meet an individual who is completely happy with their confidence level personally and professionally. If that is you, you are rare and fortunate indeed. Confidence is one of the most popular reasons for seeking help that I have experienced in the last two decades. It is perfectly normal to want to improve this aspect of yourself. If you have an issue with confidence that you would like help and support to work through please complete the complimentary consultation form on my website so that we can have an initial conversation about this and you can decide how best to proceed.
Big love, wishing you a peaceful February 2022 and it is Spring soon!